A Valentine for Max

 Max Overtop is an odd duck. He grew up in the shadow of an older sister; and she must have so dominated him that to this day he is a bit fearful of women in general. A large man, intelligent and handsome enough that women seek him out, he’s avoided commitment for years. In practice this has meant that he will ‘dump’ any woman he was been dating before Christmas, not so much a matter of being stingy as to avoid any appearance of lasting affection. So I was a bit surprised when, a few years ago, he announced that he had a big date set for Valentine’s Day. “What’s she like?” I queried. Almost expectably, he replied that she was tall and buxom, his ‘kind of woman, not the skinny sort’. He went on to wax enthusiastic over his plan to ‘take her out for a romantic dinner’ and did it to such end that I grew bored and changed the subject. Nonetheless, his enthusiasm for the new woman in his life led me, when I ran into him a week after Valentine’s Day, to risk boredom by asking him how it had gone. ‘A disaster’ he glumly responded.

It had all begun when his car wouldn’t start; and then, like a row of dominoes, misfortune after misfortune followed. After fiddling a bit with his battery cables, and getting his new suit a bit greasy in the process, he realize he was in over his head and called his buddy, Mike Pronto. Mike, a frugal man, prided himself on his ability to buy ailing cars others had given up on, restore them to mechanical health and sell them for a quick profit. He always had a spare car or two around and generously offered one to Max. In gratitude, Max brought Mike a case of beer; and in good fellowship Miguel insisted that he and Max have one before Max had to pick up his date. Needless to say, one turned into five; and Max left Mike’s in good spirits, if a little unsteady. In fact, he tripped as he got into his borrowed car and ripped his trousers; but at the time it went unnoticed.

It was a typical Chicago Valentine’s Day in that it was wet -both snowy and slushy. Traffic had been slow; and with his late start, Max was more than 20 minutes late arriving at ‘Miss Perfect’s’ home. Anxiety built on anxiety when she greeted him a bit frostily; so he gallantly, if somewhat clumsily, tried to ‘warm’ her up. He commented on her appearance. “You look wonderful!’, he exclaimed as he walked her to the car; then seeing a largish puddle next to the passenger’s door, he romantically swept her up and into his arms and placed her in her seat. Getting in on the driver’s side, he noticed that she hadn’t put on her seatbelt. “Traffic’s bad and the street’s are a bit slick; so put your seatbelt on”, he urged. She said nothing and did nothing. Max turned to her to remonstrate again and only then noticed that she was ‘out cold’. In point of fact he had rendered the knock out blow when he had inadvertently banged her head against the car door’s frame. Guilt overwhelmed him as he shook her gently. She responded, but seemed unaware of her whereabouts. Having suffered a life of misadventure, Max recognized a concussion when he saw one; and with that he took her to a nearby hospital’s emergency room. 

By the time they were there, she seemed normal; but Max insisted on going in. After a two hour wait, not without incident, she was seen, diagnosed, prescribed for and pronounced able to return home. During the wait Max’s somewhat disheveled appearance and ‘beery’ aroma had, however, attracted the attention of a policeman there on a call. ‘You been drinkin?’ he asked of Max. Max lied, of course, and said, “Just one beer, Officer.” The Cop turned to Ms. Perfect. “He been drinkin while he’s with you?” Being the soul of honesty, she replied, “No, Officer; but I think he had been before he picked me up.” Pierced to the heart by her judgement, Max faced the Officer again. Stonily, the Officer advised, “I see you driving tonight; and I’ll run you in.” Prudence being the better part of valor, Max took him at his word and he and Ms. Perfect enjoyed a socially and physically frigid cab ride back to her home. Not inviting him in, she delivered her ironic encomium, “Thanks for a great Valentine’s Day. Stay away from me and never call me again.” Chastened, Max returned home.

This Valentine’s Day don’t try to top Max’s story! Instead seize the day to demonstrate your love. Here at Hursts’ Berwyn Jewelers we offer a tasteful array of jewelry priced from $50 to $50,000; and if you’re thinking diamonds, we hand select each and every one of ours for their beauty. You can’t do better; so check us out on line at hurstsberwynjewelers.com then phone us at 708.788.0880 for an appointment. We’ll help you let the “Ms. Perfect” in your life know just how much she means to you. We’re the uncommon jeweler and we’ll do our best to keep you from ‘Maxing Out’.

P.S. If you have diamonds or broken or unworn pieces of jewelry that you would like to sell, come in and we’ll help you establish their market value; and perhaps, we’ll make the best offer to buy them.