The Dilemma

As you math geeks well know, a lemma is a problem; and a dilemma is one with two solutions that are not only possible but offer different merits that must be weighed.  So it is understandable that the average guy approaches the purchase of a significant gift for his significant other in some trepidation.  A purchase involves spending his money (the economic part of the problem); but it is the emotional response of the recipient (pleasing the person) that is his goal.  Emotion/money - there it is; and when it comes to jewelry, particularly diamonds, the problem is exacerbated by the question of fashion (will it please her?) versus extravagant display (how big a diamond do I need to give to say what I want to say?).   In contemporary America, men are increasingly seeking to meet the problem by shopping with the intended recipient.  Thus they escape the dilemma by transferring it  to the one who will receive the gift.  That’s right.  She is thus compelled (within obvious limits) to make the cash versus emotion decision, an obvious moral challenge.  With this in mind, I offer my first piece of advice; and though it may seem odd to you, it is to women and in the fashion arena.  Simply put, don’t settle for something you merely like.  Fine jewelry hangs around for a long time; so if you don’t love it, sooner or later you’ll have the itch to get something else.  Allow me to illustrate.

Ten years ago a young man came into our store and bought one of the finest diamonds in the world, the Hearts On Fire.  It had the twin merits of size and beauty and it satisfied his desire that the ring he purchased have the greatest possible intrinsic value.  He proposed, offering it to her in a simple solitaire ring.  She accepted.  They married; and after a decade of marriage they enjoyed both children and prosperity; but she didn’t like her ring - and never had.  She understood that he had strained himself economically to buy it; but it was far too severe for a very feminine woman.  The classic dilemma asserted itself; and the couple arrived in our store seeking a trade back.  As is our policy, we were happy to comply; but the couple was still divided.  He couldn’t understand why she wanted to spend their money on fashion over what he viewed as substance.  That is, he would have been happy to trade the diamond back for a larger diamond - and that is the original direction taken in the dialogue.  She, however, finally asserted herself to make it clear that she wanted a more opulent finished look, even if it denied her a larger diamond.  For more than a month the drama played out.   He had balked a bit because he knew that much of the additional money in the ring she desired was the cost of labor and small diamonds - both expensive, but lacking in ‘substance’‘ - distressed sale’ value, if you will.  Ultimately, and as you might expect (remember, he just wanted to please her), she got the new ring.  Far from severe, the ring is magnificently opulent - set with more than 60 small, but exquisitely cut, Hearts On Fire diamonds - and almost incidentally, set with a new Hearts On Fire gem nearly identical in size to her original diamond.   Philosophically speaking, it hadn’t really cost them much, a dollar a day for ten years; but it underscores the character of the diamond purchase dilemma; and it brings me to my second piece of advice.

Beauty trumps intrinsic value; and this is an important piece of advice for even the most ‘substantive value’ driven male shopper.  The internet has rendered many of the men I encounter daily self deluded.  After a few hours of research, they are convinced they know everything about diamonds; while I, with close to 60 years experience in looking at them, know that only diamond beauty is important.  Carat weight?  Color?  Clarity?  These are laboratory values; only cut is obvious to even the casual observer.  To belabor the obvious, it is cut that makes a diamond beautiful.   As a corollary to this, it is important to look at the diamond you wish to buy.  ‘Mail order’ shopping won’t do; the diamond you buy should sparkle brilliantly - not merely in the sort of ‘sun lamps’ that illuminate the average jewelry store but most importantly in the romantic light of a dimly lit restaurant.  Beyond that, there is always the question of fashion.  I’d love to say that I have simple, concrete advice here, but I can only offer a stratagem.  If you and your intended do not intend to shop as a couple, interview her (be discreet, please!) about the fashion she sees as important.  It may mean that you spend as much on the ring as you spend on the principal diamond; but remember the purpose of the gift.  You want to tell her you love her; and when you demonstrate that you’ve been listening to her, you’ve said it ‘loud and clear.’

If you are in the market for a diamond come see us here at Hursts’ Berwyn Jewelers.  We think fine jewelry should be a family treasure .  We know diamonds.  We know fine jewelry; and we care about you; so check us out on line at hurstsberwynjewelers.com, then phone us at 708.788.0880 for an appointment.  We’re the uncommon jeweler.  We’ll help solve the dilemma.  We’ll help you select the perfect gift.  

P.S. If you have diamonds or broken or unworn pieces of jewelry that you would like to sell, come in and we’ll help you establish their market value; and perhaps, we’ll make the best offer to buy them.